introduction
“Learning to love, again. It’s not so easy.”
Welcome to my blog - here, you will find everyday chaos, personal experiences, life stories that’ll make you both laugh AND cry, as well as this rollercoaster of mommy-hood. There are no wrong answers here lol.
My goal is to create a space so cozy and intimate - free of any judgement and full of surprises.
Welcome to my home, I’m so happy you stopped by.
-Love you much, Sydney
when was the last time you told yourself…
I love you, I’m Sorry?
Hey there. A lot has happened since I’ve last posted. There isn’t any excuse for my absence honestly but hear me out. Have you ever felt so lost and just so absolutely defeated? I was so so derailed, unconfident, and uncannily enough felt myself questioning the space I personally created for MYSELF and others alike to share. Why? Well, I am honestly not so sure. The crushing pressures of motherhood, staying on top of personal obligations, fear, and feeling down-right inadequate led me to once again abandoning a project that was set out to only benefit myself. Hello, self-sabotage.. is that you?
As much as I have maybe said this before, I am back again. Only this time it is so so different. I am ready to show up for myself and continue to heal myself. This trauma was not created in a day therefore, I need to be patient and ultimately accept that me uncovering every little thing may just be the course until the day I leave this Earth. I am a soul on an absolute mission and my goal is to HELP you and me. So, when’s the last time you told yourself, “I love you, I’m sorry?” I bet it’s not often enough to count. So let’s say this together…, “I love you. I am so sorry.”
But, let’s ask ourselves.. what and why are we sorry? Well, I’ll go first. I am sorry for all of the self sabotage and cycles of addiction and destructive behaviors. I am sorry for not allowing myself to be in rooms or take advantage of beneficial opportunities. I am sorry for my decline in health and restriction. I am sorry for feeling I am not deserving or in need of love, touch, and affection, and I am most sorry for pushing away positivity because it is honestly so much easier to be in a fucking funk, depressed, and feeling like I am carrying the weight of the world. That is NOT my job. That is NOT your job either.
Here’s why I am finally accepting my apology.
I have changed. Massively and drastically. In December, I parted ways from a job that provided me comfort but no stability. It was a part of my journey that was absolutely necessary, though. I made lasting friendships, learned new things, and discovered parts of me that were good at leadership and mentorship and family oriented. But it wasn’t supposed to be forever and I was able to accept that. So that was my first no. I had to place my daughter’s schedule above everything which was extremely conflicting to my work schedule. I took a leap of faith in that moment. I had to believe everything was going to work out.
And that was the moment I decided to jump back into my Real Estate Career. I needed flexibility, stability, promise, and freedom.
But jumping back into Real Estate was in fact the scariest thing ever. Can you pick up the phone and call people? Can you door knock? Can you email people while making it both inviting AND informative while keeping their attention for the entirety? It’s a tough pill to swallow, but for me the answer was no for a long time.
That was the end of that NO for me, though. I said to myself I do not care who says NO to me, I will always say yes to myself.
I’m also FINALLY losing the weight. Every single year, I jump into this mindset of losing weight. Which is amazing, however, when you’re not truly serious you only do yourself a disservice. Looking at the things I’m doing now to get to a healthier weight doesn’t even come close to what I was doing in the past and it shows. In the past, it was all talk, sadly. Making these amazing workouts and plans to hit the gym only for the day to come and go with me doing nothing then shaming myself making promises for the next day. The cycle continued. This led to me not only losing weight, but basically fluctuating at 5 pounds above and between where I already was. Stress played a major part, but my mindset is the absolute kicker. On the surface, I wanted to but deep down? I didn’t really want shit. It was way easier to stay where I was instead of challenge myself to achieve greatness and stick to my goals. It was easier to boast and pay attention to surface level tasks instead of pivoting my focus into my actual needs AND DOING the work.
I stopped excessively drinking on weekends, too! I would reward myself with alcohol- specifically wine. I felt like any little achievement I encountered deserved any type of wine and while there is nothing wrong with a small drink in moderation, I really couldn’t make the connection between what was enough versus what was way too much and I saw that. I just had to have a drink on the weekends even though I knew I would feel like shit the next day… not hungover, but just tired, cranky, and exhausted. I knew I needed to change that AND I DID. I would not consider what I had as an addiction, but it certainly was unhealthy and provided a happiness that I could connect with. But, now I reward myself differently. I don’t shop or have a weekend drink to get that mood boost. If I accomplished something I felt was great, I journal or share the news with my best friend, I put plans in place to keep the momentum, or I just take some deep breaths with a smile on my face thanking God for the blessing. It’s a different type of reward! I had my first glass of wine on Friday.. The first glass since New Year’s Eve, 2024. That is growth, baby and I am so proud xo!
TODAY?? Oh hell yeah, today I have stuck to every single goal I set out to. My eating habits have drastically improved, the scale is going down, and I am sticking to my workout routine. I’ve set aside the excuses so that I can focus on what matters. Me. How can my family thrive if I’m not okay? How can I raise a child in truth and honor if I’m not raising myself constantly? Growth never stops and the hardest part is mindset. Fear is made up. When you place emphasis on things you don’t know, fear is born and then it grows out of proportion. I’ve been teaching myself to stop overthinking the things I want to do before I become afraid of them. There is NEVER a perfect time to do anything so you might as well just start and learn as you go.
I’m not afraid to sit at tables where I don’t know others. I’m not afraid to hit my weight loss goal. I am not afraid to spark up conversations with absolute strangers. And I am no longer afraid of success. Success comes to those who relentlessly do not care about what others think. Success comes to people who are doers. Success doesn’t know to pick and choose based on what you look or sound like, success picks you based on your actions. And now?? Success has picked me. I am successful and it’s got nothing to do with monetary gains. That comes with it, but that mindset WHEWWW baby that hits different. And because my mindset is there, I can do anything.
Because of these moves, I KNOW that I have accepted my own apology and I am falling deep in love with me.
While I’m on my way with a lot more road to travel, let me tell you it is SCARY but I’m doing the absolute most to prove myself to MYSELF.
Things I do everyday that are non negotiable -
Exercise.
Make phone calls and connect with home sellers and buyers.
Journal and talk to God.
Put fear aside and build my business for me, for my daughter, for my husband.
Practice self care and disconnection when I feel overwhelmed.
Practice honesty to self.
Find ways to stay in feminine energy.
I have earned the spot I am in RIGHT NOW and you can earn it, too. It starts by saying, “I’m sorry.” and meaning it.
Accept and move on. Put in the work.
Remember that sorry is more than words, it is a change of behavior. So, how can you apologize and mean it today?
I love you MUCH.
You are healing because life will always change. You can stay the same or you can take what you’ve learned and be a little bit better each day.
Till next time!
It Was the Year 2019…
Yearly, I take a summer hiatus from my blog to allow myself the experience of new feelings and experiences in hopes that they will shape a better person for multiple reasons, the biggest one being that I am a happier mother, a more thoughtful partner, and better entrepreneur. After all, this life is lesson after lesson and who are we if we can’t learn. No one appreciates an unteachable person and greater than that - one who doesn’t know or understand humbleness.
This summer, I traveled to Portugal with my family. It was a beautiful experience, as always, and looking back on it - I for sure see the lessons quite clear and I hope that I learned them well enough to not repeat anything. They weren’t anything devastating but I was tested to the core. I will recall my experiences at a later date, but I said all of this to tell myself welcome back home - my little safe space that I have created that I’m so proud of.
this will be a 3-part entry.
I specifically wanted to begin by addressing the year 2019 because it has A LOT to do with my healing journey; it actually catapulted me into evolution. I often recall this particular year in conversations with others because of its significance and how I had reached a big turning point in my maturity and in my spirituality. In the beginning of the year, I accepted a promotion at my job at the time. It felt really good, but I realized quickly that I was in a cycle - with a similar experience in a very similar job taking place just two years prior to that. Anyway, I was really happy. I wasn’t necessarily making, “big girl money” but at the time, and at ny age, it was an upgrade to what I was receiving (I think I was like 26 going on 27 at the time) and I did not have any real bills except from my car note which was inexpensive aka my dad was helping and car insurance. I felt I was doing well and I was comfortable plus, I enjoyed my line of work and job.
As the year went by, I found a dog, Buddy, (add him to the collection of animals I already had) and I had the ideas of starting a new music project. Things were relatively normal and again, I was content. Around May, things started to get kinda rocky. I got pregnant… now while I had no intentions on starting a family and I was immediately concerned about my career and other aspirations, I was like, “Okay, I have support, we gone roll with the punches.” Not too long after coming to my dad about my pregnancy, I lost the child and I was absolutely devastated. I had been through pretty traumatic things in my life but nothing could compare to that specific pain following that event. My aunt had even named the child; she said she felt like I was having a boy and chose the name, “Antonio.”
That event sent me into the deepest period of depression and fog that I’ve probably ever experienced. Everytime I thought I was bouncing back, I was brought deeper into my sadness. I picked up bad habits like drinking and binge dating, staying up all night into ungodly hours, and living with no intention. I became very self focused with no regard to anyone, almost sociopathic - very addicted to my image. Nothing was deep for me anymore and I only recalled my experiences through music but never stating anything I went through being based on a true story. I kept that baby in my soul, and tried to move on as best as I could.
In August of 2019, I released, “Rose” - my very last EP and project. It was a short project but it was surrounding real life situations I had been through from 2018 into 2019. I was proud of it but I was so disappointed that music was changing. R&B was dying and not as appreciated as it was before and beats were changing. No one was taking the time to make real music anymore and I was getting fed up with that aspect of music. I always wanted to be in the music industry and began my career switch to Real Estate in order to have more time and more money to fund my dreams. But realistically, I had this deep intuitive feeling that I would be walking away from music. It cut like a knife.
In addition to losing a child, I lost a best friend as well. I was making excuses for the sudden distance and not accepting what was really going on. I felt like life was betraying me and taking away the things I loved. I had vowed to never love anything again if it wasn’t a million dollars or a Lamborghini. Those were the moments that my faith crumbled under me. It wasn’t like I turned away from God, but I did turn to a new belief system, spirituality.
It wasn’t until my faith shifted that I began to understand that things were happening for me and not to me. I began to start my day with prayer and I brought my first Tarot deck. I began to journal and write exactly the things I wanted for my life. The more I did that, the more situations started to appear to clear my path and that right there was the very beginning of my healing journey. I remember one night feeling so lonely and lost that I wrote out an entire draft of what I wanted my life to look like and what type of husband I wanted. I felt like a little girl planning her life out again and wondered why I hadn’t done it sooner. Well on 12/27/19 (my mom’s death date was 12/27/02), I met the man that was going to change my life. It was like a reward after all I had been through.
I feel it is necessary for me to make peace with the year 2019 because I was an adult facing real life shit. It impacted me in ways I just couldn’t escape from and I had no choice but to learn from in order to become a better woman.
Stay tuned for the next pivotal moments of my life that are still shaping me to who I am now. I will be releasing 2020 and 2021 in the coming weeks.
Thank you so much for reading.
-Syd
The Journey back to me
& why I keep getting lost along the way
It has been a few weeks, maybe even a month since I last updated my little space and trust me, I am really feeling it. I can honestly say that I have a big difficulty in finding a balance with everything on my plate at this time. Although I have somewhat of a plan to drop a few tasks, that isn’t until the near future. Between the growing momentum of restarting Real Estate, motherhood, my domestic duties, and my other job - I am POOPED, okay. I can feel the toll it is taking on me; and I feel the tension growing around me.
This weekend, my daughter fell very ill with an eye infection. This has led to some very late nights and early mornings for me. I am living off of coffee and adrenaline and quite frankly, hanging on by a thread. I feel awful because I haven’t done the best with keeping my attitude in check and I have had to convince myself several times from FRIDAY until about last night that, “It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.”
That being said, I really wanted to go back to the beginning… when I first started, this Blog was my space to trauma dump and help others understand that they truly aren’t alone. This was my spot to also get back in touch with things that I drastically lost; like my ability to be vulnerable, to be honest with myself, to speak up, and to be able to FEEL again. After all, this Blog is called, “The Art of Feeling.”
Over the weekend, my fuse was really short. I’m not proud, but I also want to extend forgiveness to myself. Mothering a child who is unwell is no easy task as they’re demanding and (at this age) attitudey on a regular basis (at least mine is insert rolling eye emoji)
But this is why it is imperative for me to heal myself. I know how to pick everything apart and put it back together, but that shame, oh boy that shame factor.. it makes you just want to fucking stop sometimes. However, the reason I won’t stop my journey is because of my daughter. She has to know and truly understand that communication truly solves everything. Not drugs (no shame) or alcohol (been there more than I want to admit) or shoving it down the trap hole to your spirit (I am familiar with that place as well). My daughter has to know that true healing comes from discussion. My daughter has to know that vulnerability, with the right people and community, provides a safe space like no other.
I can see how I’ve truly regressed on my journey and I need to course correct. I’ve gotten lost along the way - a long way ago. It doesn’t mean it’s the end and I am just so happy that I can am mature enough to understand when I am wrong and when I need to fix a few things.
I am describing this as the way back to me. Towards the end of my writing I am realizing all of the things that I mentioned - the career, motherhood, family life, money… those are all material things. And I got lost in them. Yes, they are important, but, look how miserable I am. I truly forgot to nourish myself and values. Things were too loud for me to hear God. There was too much noise…
As a mother, most of the time, it’s about containing the mess.
I am more than just a mother, though, I am a loving and understanding human - sometimes to everyone except for myself.
There is no mess to contain here. Silencing myself isn’t fair, it isn’t helpful, loving, or forgiving. Plus it puts me under the impression that I am having a bad life, when it’s just a day.
For anyone currently struggling with this, I am here to tell you -
Communication solves everything. Even if it’s on a blog on a floating rock in space.
Until next time, yall <3
friendly reminder that I am not a doctor, therapist, or any type of medical professional. Please do not refer to any of my stories/experiences for medical or legal advice.
I
DISSOCIATION & IMPOSTER SYNDROME
& HOW IT AFFECTS ME
I never thought that I’d ever be comfortable or brave enough to confront this part of me. While it still kinda sucks, acknowledgment is going to take center stage. Up next is, “I’m proud of you.”
Join me this week as I continue on my journey of dissecting myself in front of the entire internet (yippee) for a greater cause not so sure of what that is yet.
So, while I have you guys all gathered here, to begin - let’s define the actual words of what this topic is about starting with DISSOCIATION. According to OXFORD Dictionary; dissociation n.
Partial or total disconnection between memories of the past, awareness of identity and of immediate sensations, and control of bodily movements, often resulting from traumatic experiences, intolerable problems, or disturbed relationships. ... ...
IMPOSTER SYNDROME According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary; a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success.Dec 28, 2023
Circling back to dissociation… I did not even realize that I did this until Thursday, February 15th. Yes, this past Thursday. If you jump down to some of my earlier posts, you’ll see what an emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on for most of my life due to many unforeseen circumstances from such an early age. Anyway, I was laying in bed thinking about several things, mainly my dad and all of the legalities following his death back in 2021 (if you didn’t know, my dad passed 10 days after I had my first child). I had gotten quite a few compliments on Thursday while working regarding my actual age vs. the age I look. While laying down, I was thinking about my last few birthdays and I blanked… how old am I and why am I unable to really remember anything following my dad’s death?? I whipped out my calculator on my phone and did the math. Turns out, I’ll be 32 this year and honestly, damn, because I really didn’t know that; or at least forgot. Now, while most of this sounds fabricated, I can assure you that it isn’t and this really happened and it's sad.
Where you been all those years, girl?
Last week, on Thursday, I approached what I considered a huge milestone. After taking a year off from the Real Estate industry due to what I’d experienced just dealing with my dad’s death plus working plus being a new mom… I had finally arrived to a comfortable space where I was ready and willing to come out of referral and become an active agent again. Since 2019, this was a career path I bravely stepped out into and just knew it was for me. But life be lifeing and eeeeverything that happened in between becoming licensed, moving, giving birth, and dealing with loss… I decided it was best to fall into the shadows and just be there.
Fast forward, back to the milestone. That was HUGE for me. In that moment, I was so happy. As soon as I got the email from the Real Estate Commission, my soul lit up. It was progress. It was everything I’ve truly been wanting and now I am in the shape to receive it. Only, am I?
I immediately thought of everyone else who is successful in the industry. I immediately thought about how I look to the world. I immediately thought of all my shortcomings. I thought about my blog; is it appropriate? I was so overwhelmed with the negative that my celebration was cut short.
This is where I’ll hit on imposter syndrome.
Looking at that last paragraph that addresses where my pity party began - here is the actual truth behind those statements. I have proven success in all positions I’ve ever held. I’ve worked since age 18. I got my first car at age 23 and paid the note with my own money from a job I went out and got hired for. I’ve excelled in each entry level job given to me and have been promoted to management roles in each job I’ve ever held. I’ve completed school. I went to some college (wasn’t for me). I’ve made beautiful bodies of albums in music I hold a state license. I’ve closed deals with that state license… and I’m always hungry for personal growth, multifaceted, vulnerable, and a kick ass mom.
But, why don’t I feel that way?
I think, in my case, I am allowing the bad to impact me more than I allow the good to shine and it’s a really hard habit to kick. I will acknowledge that I allow this and since I am comfortable enough to lay this all out like this, I am ready to change that.
No more of this. trauma will not be my conversation starter.
If you deal with this, I encourage you to actively seek the appropriate help that you able to receive (I say this because a lot of times, we seek help that we are not actively able to receive due to our own barriers and boundaries we haven’t addressed yet.)
The purpose of this story is to educate on how this actively affects me. I’m praying for the person reading who may also be struggling.
I love you and thank you for reading.
2/17/2024 dating this to track progress :-D
this the real me
So it’s been a minute since I’ve posted and I’ve missed it. Like A LOT. But, in these weeks that I’ve been M.I.A, I’ve started a new Instagram account, came out of referral and restarted my Real Estate business, working out like crazy AND still being a mommiana & shit is STILL hard.
In my absence, life has been lifeing but I have come back to the realization that THIS IS WHO I AM. I know how to meet any challenge and climb any hill. I have literally surpassed every single obstacle that I’ve faced THUS FAR. And I am damn sure proud if it.
Let me go back to WHO I am.
I am a WOMAN. That’s it right there. I am a WOMAN. This body has created and housed a child for 9 months, fed it for 2 more, responded to every cry, every wince, every bounce, every tear, rip, and bruise of childhood. This body has taken on many different shapes, weights, colors, and textures. I am proud of who I am and at 31 mighty and glorious years old, I will only get bettererrrr, in the words of Cardi-B.
I am a talented singer and songwriter. My passion for music started at childhood. I actually wrote my very first song at age 7 and it was for my Grandmother. I understood song structure, hooks, choruses, and lyrics from a very long age and spent my teenage into earlier adult years writing and composing songs with my two best friends, Robert and Jordanne. I knew for sure I would carve a place for myself into the music industry, releasing plenty bodies of art all over Soundcloud and other major streaming services. My last body of art was released in 2019; which is the same year that my life had a major change. Another major change was the pandemic in 2020. I haven’t written a single song since December of 2019 and I honestly JUST got back into consistently singing. Up until now, I’d hear a song and go mute. I wouldn’t hum, rock, nothin. A part of my soul was lost following all I had been through during the pandemic with becoming a new mom and losing a parent. I did not really realize how affected I was until late last year I went to sing and my vocal chords kinda didn’t let me. I was pitchy, out of breath, and all over the place. I vowed at the beginning of 2024 with the rest of my resolutions that I would sing every single day no matter how challenging the song was, if I knew all the lyrics or not, or how long or short the song was. Since vowing to that, I have found my voice again. She is so mature and the soul connected to her has been through many things that may just be worthy of another album, who knows.
I am a business woman and entrepreneur. I left my last post at the very forefront underneath this one so everyone can see that when I had what I considered a major accomplishment and how I truly felt beneath the surface… It was a like one of a failure. Writing that post was like bringing Heaven to Earth for a minute. God was like, “FAILURE?? Who?? Not you..” and so then it began. Since then, I have been the most productive I’ve been. God got me busy. God got me off my ass and in the gym. God got me creative. God was like, who are you, really??? And I’ve been given the opportunity to answer that by creating this new life for myself. Loser, where? There is happiness and opportunity all around. I was just talking to another woman the other day at work and after all I’ve been through, I had to tell her that opportunities are often created more than given… agree to disagree here; but they are. And I’m seeing it every single day.
Anyway, when was the last time you truthfully looked in the mirror and saw the good, the bad, the indifferent, and what you want to change and still said, ‘YOU DA SHIT” … if you aint done that in a while, do it tonight.
& as for me; if you’re around me and feel an extra confidence boost exuding from my energy, it’s because God woke up a new version of me. One that in this moment, I can’t deny.
Love you bestieeee!
Kids: How they Teach; the good & the bad
Disclaimer: I AM NOT A LICENSED CLINICIAN, THERAPIST, OR MEDICAL PRACTITIONER. IF YOU ARE CONCERNED REGARDING YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR OR HABITS PLEASE SEEK GUIDANCE FROM A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL. THIS COLUMN AND WEBSITE OUTLINES MY STORIES AND EXPERIENCES ONLY AND NOT TAKEN FROM DAILY EXPERIENCES OTHERS HAVE SHARED WITH ME.
Now, time for the fun, lol. This past week, I was really reflective as my sweet baby has been hitting milestones like crazy and it amazes me. One of the many new things she is doing is mimicking me. It is a huge eye-opener. As adults, we tend to go through our daily lives without noticing anything and I mean ANYTHING that we do. Our days are so monotonous and streamlined that every day is repetitive and not much new happens. While most of us do try to implement a morning routine, let’s admit it, that shit is hard.
Anyway, what brought a lot of the things I am doing to my attention is how much my little one repeats what I do. Now, I do not do a huge amount of cursing, lashing out, etc around her but I am human and I do lose my cool at times. I am going to go over the good and the bad of how my child teaches me and how I use those lessons to cultivate a happier home and less stressful environment.
Let’s start with the bad and just get it out of the damn way lol -
MOST mornings, I am rushing, tired, and routine less lol. I wake up, yes, but I am not so intentional (I know, I know) about how I want my day to go. Because of this, I can be easily annoyed, pack too much food, not wear enough layers or know what I am wearing at all. Now, I always have a million bags with me. I noticed that when it’s time to leave for school and work, my daughter is grabbing EVERYTHING she can find. Toys, tablet, toy keys, water bottle…and I’m constantly telling her to put things back and that she can’t bring all of those items with her. It recently dawned on me the actual why behind this: HELLO! I have a million bags and things with me. Why wouldn’t my mini be trying to have a million things with her, too? Seeing her being confused while putting items back gave me a ton of insight. “Mommy is not putting things back, why do I have to?” She is quite frankly too young to understand why I have so many things and she is only modeling what she sees. After noticing this, though, I really condensed the amount of “stuff” I try to bring out the house with me.
Next - let’s touch on tone of voice. While I am not the yelling/screaming type, I do get anxious and stressed based on outside influences ie; work, other people, daily life pressures, and more. I know I can actively work on how to constructively react to these stressors, however, in that moment of stress and if my child needs me I notice I can have more of an annoyance in my voice. Now, this is not something that happens often, but it happens. My daughter has a stuffed cat named, Mr. Kitty lol and they do everything together. Well, last week, she was getting frustrated in a fake phone conversation (on her toy phone) and she made it seem like Mr. Kitty was trying to get her attention in which she put her toy phone down and said, “What kitty?” - She didn’t yell or get loud, she was clearly very annoyed though. And I had an OH SHIT moment. I’m like, does my daughter see me in this light? Do I act like that? And I felt horrible. I made a promise to myself that I would always calm myself down before speaking to her from that moment no matter what the circumstances are. Kids are sponges and little wake up calls like that brought me back down to earth.
That was a lot. So let’s move on to the good finally.
I didn’t grow up in a household where, “I love you” was freely said. It usually was only said around a major death or an extremely stressful time. It’s a very sensitive topic for me so I will not go further into that. However, being in an environment like that, I vowed to tell the people I love, that I love them (I do still struggle with it, though). I make sure every single night at bedtime I tell my daughter I love her. I tell her at every drop off and pick up, I tell her randomly throughout the day when we are home. So, now, she runs up and says it to me randomly too, she says it in the morning when she sees me, she tells her father when she sees him… it’s the sweetest thing ever and my heart melts everytime I hear it. I really did not notice the amount of progress I made until hearing her say it to me and how naturally it comes. With more “old school” type parents, it was very hard to see vulnerability in them and in turn makes it hard for me to show vulnerability but with everyday, I break ice more and more. I am happy to model this positive behavior to my own child because I see how well I am setting her up to be different and do differently.
This last example I’ll keep short. Because I love taking pictures of everything and every moment, my daughter is used to seeing me with the phone in my hands lol. But due to this, she is always taking pictures on her tablet; going around saying, “Cheeese, cheeese” lol. So this message is to all mommies, daddies, aunts, uncles, etc. TAKE THE PICTURE. Your child doesn’t care about how you look, they cared that they captured the memory :)
So this post was longer than expected but I had a lot to say! Our kids are always watching and they deserve positive role models. Since becoming a mother, while I have my hiccups, I think I’m doing well. LOL!’
Till next time <3
-Sydney
This is who I am.
There is power in being who you truly are
Out Of Touch
Because today is Thursday, and for the past two weeks I feel like I’ve given my best and have not been met with much of anything. This week has been nothing short of challenging, and you really get to that place where you’re at the crossroads. I keep asking myself, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” I have been choosing happiness and damn, the journey to that is full of monumental highs and catastrophic lows. You begin to ask yourself are these “things” worth it and what even are the “things”.. the mind is a scary place to be. You start sorting one pile and it leads to another. Years and years of suppression have been my bestie and here I am once again in a place of misunderstanding all the progress I have made. I believed, I really believed that I was on a great path but here I am in fight or flight yet again. My years, up to now, have been fight or flight and when I began this journey, I was so assured that those functions would go away, lol.
Now while I would love to get into what exactly happened, trust me, I’d love that… I just am still figuring that out. I don’t know if I have been on a positivity kick and now all my negativity is coming forward OR if I really am in a bad place. Like I said, the mind is a scary place to be.
To be clear, this is a hard day for me, if you haven’t picked that up yet. I am feeling like a horrible mother, a horrible employee, horrible businessperson, and want to hide under my bed. These things that I am feeling are those of a small child and I am ashamed to admit that but hey - honesty, right. Can’t heal without releasing all those crazy shit feelings. Now, before you reach out to me separately, yes, I AM OKAY and will remain okay because of inner strength but sometimes I need the shoulder that I provide to everyone else. Although, it is hard to have people be there for you when you do not know exactly what is wrong. Heavy on the not knowing what is wrong either, lol. I love my husband, my daughter, I’ve been in a great place emotionally just up until now. Maybe I have been turning away exhausting experiences instead of embracing them and now it’s just all crashing.
That’s that funny, weird, thing about the healing process and why it’s so important to not suppress yourself because look where it gets you. I am in the middle of an awkward position between stepping into a new life and experience and at that crossroads of staying with everything I have ever known, including the most painful things that have ever happened to me.
Pride always goes before the fall, and I am trying to let go and be in a deep state of surrender. It is just so hard.
Well, lol thanks for letting me vent. I pray you experience JOY and happiness and if you're feeling any way that I am at this very moment, I pray you’re released from it!
xo
Why it hurts and why it’s necessary.
Here we are again. It’s been two weeks and I have guilted myself every single day that I failed to blog. I’ve guilted myself for every single time I allowed time to pass, knowing I had a lot to say but not making any effort to journal. I felt like I was in the middle of pride vs. joy. The older person in me said, “This was your idea; therefore, you should be ashamed you aren’t pursuing it.” but the younger version of me just casually screamed, “Fuck it!” Unaware of why I was so bothered, I still absolutely found no resolve and was not trying to.
Here’s exactly why it’s OKAY and WILL ALWAYS BE OKAY to release that old self. Prime example above… Why would I continuously hinder my own journey, no one else, just me.
There were plenty of hiccups along the way - we are older now, and the excuse to no longer course correct just isn’t working for me anymore.
I feel the changes in the air. But I still feel so stuck. It’s tough being in the middle all of the time, it’s quite tough coming up with mindless excuses all the time, and even more, its’ real tough seeing the progress you’ve made come to a complete halt. I get it - you jump into the deep end, it gets really scary, then you get out of the water again. Been there and done that… doing it now, actually, lol.
See the point of my space is to be as transparent as possible. I may tell you a joke but I’ll never tell you a lie. I see you hurting, I see you worked all day. I feel the coarseness of your hands and feet, the blankness on your face. Unhappiness does not fit you and it’s time to change. You’ve fought battle after battle.. had genius idea after idea. When’s the payout, huh? I know this about you because I can say the same exact thing applies to me.
Well, the payout is not coming until you’re aligned. How can you bring Heaven to Earth with no openness to opportunities AND challenges, the like? You can jump in the water, but you can’t fight the tide - swim with it, for once. See, we tend to wear our scars as badges of honor (rightfully so) but there’s nothing wrong with making peace with the past. No one said to forget all of the things that happened to you. But sweetie, they’re holding you back. I have days that are sooo great. They’re my top-tier, super-woman productive days and the days I feel most optimistic and the days where I feel I’ve broken terrible cycles. Then, I’ll have a rut and I mean a continuous one where I am shown that I haven’t done as much “work” as I thought.
I always ask myself why the hard memories are the hardest to get rid of. They happen, we hold onto them for like ever meanwhile, the good times are fleeting and hard to remember. Sure, we have them, many of them, and they’re great but it’s just way easier to remember a bad time than recall a good one. Oh, those core memories! (Can you tell I love Disney)
It hurts to say goodbye to the past, especially when you’re constantly re-living it mentally. You have to learn how to say goodbye and make amends with the harder times in order to understand, yes, UNDERSTAND real joy. We think we experience joy and we do not. Joy, to me, is getting a picture my baby made at school… it is felt deeply in my spirit, I CARRY that, I tell everyone at work that.. I can still smile about it long after the fact. That is real joy that I am happy to have been able to experience. And the reason I say real joy is because we always choose to tuck away our best days and live in the challenges we faced.
Now, while it’s harder for me to release some old ways, I do see the benefits of it. I do see that when I am able to stop my one-track thinking, how open I am to other things. I think we as humans carry hurt and pain as characteristics of who we are and we allow them to define us. I’m here to tell you, rest child, that burden is not your name, it’s not your way, it’s not your personality. It is an experience, it happened, you cannot change it or its outcome, you can only change YOU and how you will handle it next time it appears. Now that’s the real growth.
I have a challenge for every single reader out there today. I challenge you to mentally re-live 4 AMAZING things that happened to you. Sit in a dark, quiet area, take 3 deep breaths and gently recall 4 of your life’s best experiences! It can be at any 4 different points of your life or all from 1 day. Once you’re in those emotions, make a promise to your future self. Live in that promise every single day and watch how your life expands. Watch how you’ll become happier, more open to life’s opportunities. Here's confirmation, by the way, so as I am typing this - I got a phone call interrupting me and the name that was on the caller ID was: “New Beginnings” I am absolutely STUNNED!
This read was a little longer than I intended, but I obviously needed to type until I got that message. Your new beginning is coming. Try that challenge!
I pray you experience joy, laugh a lot, and forgive yourself every step of the way.
I love you much, thanks for reading!
xo
Letting Go of your old self
dESTRUCTION IN THE EYE OF THE STORM
They say the eye of the storm is the calmest and that place will bring you more serenity during the chaos… but you have to remember, the rest of that storm is coming, however, it is almost passing.
For me, lately, it has been destruction in the middle eye of my storm and it’s pretty frustrating because you begin to question - are you, in fact, the storm, does the storm follow you, or are your sometimes unmanageable emotions the storm? I am completely aware that I am a force not to be reckoned with and that I am highly protected, blessed, and favored. But that doesn’t omit me to life happening.
The last week, I have felt everything. All of the emotions, sadness, madness, and anger. It’s like everything came up to the surface and everything I thought I made peace with circled back. I know obstacles are a normal part of life, though. Yesterday was the 6th anniversary of my older sister’s passing as well and as I was describing this to one of my girlfriends’ I couldn’t help but to dawn on it. The words that rolled off my tongue were, “My sister, who would have been 32 on June 11th is in her final resting place, with my father. .. and my mother is on the other side of the cemetery resting with my uncle… and I want to go see them.,” I was stunned. I wanted to punch the cry.. I was angry. The ground under me seemed like it wasn’t there anymore and my stomach was in my mouth all of the sudden.
I wanted to know why that happened. I suddenly wanted to know why my life has been this way and why it’s been seemingly harder and more challenging than my peers. Trust me, I know that everyone is fighting silent battles, I do.
Now this instance, was one of many in the last 7 days where I truly felt 100% set back. I felt hard to love, I felt unattractive. I felt like my emotions were wearing me and manipulating me. It was so difficult. All the while these things were happening, I was internalizing everything. It was hard for me to seek the help I needed because I felt in those moments, very un-relatable, very unstable, and I did not want to be judged. I know that was just the devil, though. I cried a few nights while in bed, asking for an answer and some sort of direction and this is what came to me: (NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED IN THE NEXT PASSAGE).
Saturday night, I was watching, “Moana” with my daughter. I could not help but relate to this character on so many different levels. But this song is what stood out to me the most -
“I know a girl from an island / she stands apart from the crowd / she loves the sea and her people / she makes her whole family proud.
Sometimes the world seems against you / the journey may leave a scar / but scars can heal and reveal just where you are.
The people you love will change you / the things you have learned will guide you / and nothing on earth can silence / the quiet voice still inside you.
And when that voice starts to whisper / Moana, you’ve come so far / Moana, listen, do you know where you are?
In THAT moment, Moana was me, and Gramma Tala was my own. In THAT moment, I released my burdens to God and cracked a smile. It was hard but I did it. I gave myself grace and patience. I have things in my life. Tangible things, things I have prayed for. I lost family, but created one as well. I felt silenced by my troubles and because of that, couldn’t see the blessings right in front of me.
Stop internalizing your big feelings. Let someone help you with the bags, for once.
There is calm in the eye of the storm, after all.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
I absolutely do not know where to start! As my journey blogging has just begun, I want to acknowledge the feelings I’ve tapped into. After all, this is the art of feeling.
To begin, I am full of JOY & GRATITUDE even on my harder days. Sharing my stories with you all have alleviated a harmful weight and burden I’ve been carrying around. I thank God and find myself praying multiple times per day. There was a wall between myself and a higher power, in which, that is now crumbling. I’ll admit, we aren’t 100% there yet but dammit are we making progress! I am softer. That attitude has dissapated and more and more it fades away. My biggest take-away through my everyday life experiences would be - do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Winning, no matter the cost, isn’t healthy and one of the best things that you can do is to allow things you cannot control to ‘be’… you can only change yourself. When you change yourself, you can help change the world.
With that being said - I want to publicly thank YOU! Yeah, you -the one reading this! The person in NY, the person in Portugal, China, Canada, Saudi Arabia, NJ, TX, FL, GA, TN!! I was not expecting much when I decided to start this blog. I was just hoping it would reach those of you who needed it the most, those of you who just needed to see we all go through it! I am humbled by this experience thus far and excited to see where it goes.
I want you all to know that you can do it too! That great idea you have in the back of your mind, you got this! That restaurant you want to start, you got it! The website - you got this! The master’s degree you’re pursuing… YOU GOT THIS! I am so proud of you already! I pray you wake up everyday healthy, happy, strong, successful (whatever your definition of success is). I pray that you are able to forgive and move forward. I pray you have the motivation and discipline to do whatever your sweet little heart desires! You are smart, amazing, talented and the world is ready for the flame within you.
YOU GOT THIS!! Thank you so much & I will be back soon!
- the art of feeling. Here’s why I chose this. -
So, here we are. To begin, I am a 30 year old who is lost… and yes, I am looking to be found. I chose this particular name, “The art of feeling,” as it’s been about 10 years since I have felt anything. Pretty sad, right? The thing with me, is, life has hit me. Hard. Things have flown at me since a really young age and with time it’s all just become unprocessed junk in the back of my mind.. It’s pretty much numbed me. I am not one of those people who like to act like feelings are dumb and I am really upset that I’ve spent so long feeling absolutely nothing no matter what I’ve done to cope. Pain is unfortunately a feeling that numbs you (say numb again) and when you decide not to deal with your pain, it doesn’t just go away. Sure, it gets buried and goes somewhere but it doesn’t just go to hell like we’d really prefer. Over time, the pain I’ve been carrying has tried to kill me. The things I thought I’ve dealt with (when, who are we kidding, I hadn’t dealt with shit in God knows how long) have kept so much weight and baggage on me that my judgement’s clouded, all my relationships have been adversely affected, and I am perpetually sad no matter how happy I come off - thanks Leo moon! Learning to love, again. It’s not so easy. But I am here and ready to try again. I’m learning to love myself and to fall back in love with the ride. I am honestly and truly set out on a mission to be the happiest, humblest version of myself for my mini. She did not ask to be here, so the least I can do is be healed in order to avoid projecting on my dear, beautiful soul of a daughter.
I started this blog to let some of this shit go; sorry for cursing but it’s the only suitable word and that’s all it is! I hope it is one of the most relatable things you’ll ever read in your life. If I could help just one person with my posts, I am walking in my life’s purpose. I’d love for you to know, life has ups and downs (so cliche, right) but to me, it is not about how high or low you go, it’s about how much you are able to let things go so that you can enjoy more of everything! I have so many things in my life that I SHOULD be happy about and I am so tired of it not being that way.
Follow along on my journey, it’ll be fun! I’ll be posting weekly on Mondays and each week will be something new. Welcome to my life, this is a huge step for me.
If you’ve gotten to this point, I thank you so very much for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed this, and I can’t wait to see you again.
Xo, Sydney
wake up! it’s time to play!
This one is for my baby <3 THANK YOU for some of theeee best years of my life! Your life, so far, has been short but it certainly has completed mine. I love you to the moon, baby girl! One day, you’ll be able to read this, and I hope it makes you smile.
You wake up at like 7am! I consider 8:15 sleeping in at this point, lol. But you know what, I wouldn’t trade you or our routine for anything, you hear me. You just “get me” (or not) and I love you! You heal my inner child so much. I remember when you first started daycare and I cried. I probably cried more than you.. called the center like 3 times on your first day lol I just know they were so sick of me. Well, I cried, and I prayed to make this transition easier - although I know it won’t get any easier, and we will just adapt. I asked God to show me that you were getting treated properly and that night I went to sleep and had a dream that I was once again, a baby. We were at your daycare playing together. You were sooo happy, so joyful, so full of life just as usual. We played with blocks and ran circles around. We even napped together, in which you kept popping your head up and down with your pacifier and we were laughing. When I woke up, I was so satisfied, so calm, so happy. I knew you were in the best care aside from mine.
My soul doesn’t ache as much when I’m with you. Although, I see the world differently when I am with you, it’s not a bad thing. I see the world differently when I am with you! I see the world as yours, as a parent, and as a guardian. I sometimes do not know who the guardian is - you or me. You hold me so accountable. I have to have a routine with you. I cannot just come and go. I have to be healthy with you. No more bingers and late nights watching TV (at least not as much lol - JK). I have to communicate WELL. I have to have a personality, and a damn good one at that! You unlocked a specific part of me that I just can’t describe well enough.
The love of a parent is really hard to put into words.
You wake up (some days I can sneak up before you though at least for some coffee lol) and it’s immediately PLAY-TIME! You play allll day and I love it. Your life is like a vacation right now lol. You chase me, we play peek-a-boo, we sing and have dance breaks. We eat (you’re picky, btw!) WELL, I eat and you look at yours - best food critic of all time might I add (also, my cooking sucks), we nap, we play. Playing with you brings me that joy that my childhood lacked. I appreciate every.single.moment.
Although our routine has changed a bit now, I still won’t trade it for anything. We transitioned from stay-at-home mom and baby to full-time-working bosses! You will be a superstar and because of you, MOM has been added to my title.
Keep being you, boss baby! I will love you forever - even if it gets hard.
X0, Mommy
A letter to my family
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS TEXT INCLUDES DISCUSSION OF GRIEF, LOSS, AND DEATH.
I’ve been thinking about how to compose my thoughts on this all day long. Now that I am finally able to get in front of my computer… I am just at a full loss for words now. There is no way that I can perfectly form my thoughts at this moment. So consider what follows, my best. I do not think I will ever get closure on this part of me but I have some things I would like to lay down.
To My Mom, Dad, and Alexis -
I lost you at 3 different pivotal times in my life. It’s like, each time I was about to step up and move forward, the joy was always stolen from me. I do not think I ever fully recovered from losing you guys. In fact, I KNOW that I never did.
Mom. YOU were the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid my eyes on. I always wondered if you were a supermodel because your beauty stunned me. You were a Cancer, just like I am so that quality of love was unmatched. I watched you bounce back from so many challenges in the short time that I did know you and I feel this is the reasoning as to why I am able to do the same. You loved your girls deep and I will never forget you. I lost you at age 10, when life was just starting. I wish I knew you better and longer. I wish I was not jolted into this period of sadness and the beginning of raising myself as, “Dad just couldn’t get me.” I wish my rebellion hadn’t kicked in so soon, my jealousy, or my rage. I am not blaming you for any of this. Something major changed in me, though, and I took it through my entire life. I do not want to do that anymore. The words, “I miss you” just aren’t enough to describe how I feel. I feel like a static image without you, nothing more, and nothing less. As a mother, I feel I pour LIFE into my daughter… not out of fear of anything happening to her but out of fear of her losing me the way that I lost you… I do not want her to ever question my love for her. I want her to see her mother as healed, as successful. I do not want to fail her. The last time I wrote you a letter was in 2003.. It has been 20 years and I am still at a loss for words. A part of me still feels 10 years old waiting for you to just come home from work with candy, like you always did.
Alexis. You were not only my sister but my first best friend. It is crazy how we could bump heads like strangers in a bar lol but that love was so crazy. When we were good we were SOLID. Our long conversations about music, adding things to our online shopping carts we knew we would never buy, our “Main Street” trips (Orange heads know this spot lol) … this list goes on and on. I saw what life threw at you and I saw you find ways out of things. I never told you this, but I was proud of you. Sometimes I could kick myself for not telling you MORE just how much I was so proud of you and how much I loved you. I am not a hugger but you were. IDK WHY I just can’t fucking hug people. I would hug you a millions years, though, had I known I was going to lose you. I lost you when I was 24. You were 25. You were having a rough winter but I knew you were gonna bounce back. I just knew it. But I just never would have expected that call on that Sunday night that you were found unresponsive. HOW?? I just talked to you hours before that. I JUST saw you Friday night. I couldn’t even grieve you properly because I had to be there for Daddy and help with your funeral arrangements. I’ve been on auto-pilot ever since. Again, the words, '“I miss you” aren’t enough. I always tell myself, one day, when the time’s right, I ‘ll know just what to do to honor you properly. I promise.
Dad. I always ask God why he took you from me when He knew I was going to need you the most. All of these years of going back and forth with one another - you never backed down. You taught me to go into things with ease and once I’m in there DO NOT BACK DOWN. I think I got my fighter spirit most from you. And not physically fighting but emotionally, spiritually, that perseverance you carried was remarkable. You were that man that truly never had to step-up because your bar was already high and you met it each time. I watched in the background as you fought your fight in life. You never allowed anyone to fight your battles for you. You never allowed situations to control you… until one day, you did. I watched you in life or death situations. I watched you die and then come back twice. You fought the good fight, dad. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU STILL SO IN LOVE WITH YOU. You were the main who set the example of who I need as a partner in my life. You died 10 days after the birth of my first child. I was 28. My baby was born on 01/09 and you passed on 01/19 and ever since then all I see is 919 everywhere. On clocks, on signs, etc - I know that’s you. You would adorreee your grand daughter and I wish you could see me as a mom. I feel I was robbed of you. This is the time I feel I need you the most -
I try to not think of it. I’m navigating my life in ways I feel alone and am constantly hitting dead ends. This weight of the sadness that I am carrying is keeping me stuck and I don’t want it anymore. I am leaving this here.
To my family, I will carry you guys forever and making it my priority this year to spend more time with you in spirit and recall your life in the best ways that I know how, instead of only the sad parts. In my opinion, your lives were cut short and I watched it. But, I’m not the one in charge, this time.
I love you forever,
-Sydney, xo
So, at the end of January, I was on my weekly phone tangent with my bestie. (Love you, Jordanne!!) We always talk about hours worth of things, it gets pretty hard to remember at times, however, we stumbled upon the topic of social media. I won’t name names, they know who they are (LOL). I won’t lie, I got pretty annoyed for a second and I am so unsure of what actually triggered me but I had this AMAZING idea of ghosting and deactivating all of my social media accounts. Now, I definitley was planning to go cold turkey as we had this convo on maybe the last or the day before the last day in January. I knew it would be a challenge simply due to the fact that our phones send us that great little report each week with our average time spent on-screen.. Just know that my UNGODLY average per week gave away why this would be challenging. I was, however, up for a fight (that damn Leo moon again).
Anywho, that night, whichever night it was, I was heading to bed and noticed the next day would be February 1st. I did what I set out to do - goodbye IG & TT! I quielty deactivated my accounts and had set out on my newest venture. The first few days were difficult but I always had my greater good and reasoning in the front of my head. It felt pretty weird at first but that feeling helped me realize how often I clicked between social media apps and how much time I burnt instead of occupying myself in other ways.
Fast forward to 20 days later - Here is some insight.
I am an insanely spiritual person (in no way am I forcing my views on anyone so if you prefer to click away, now would be the time). I was using social media like a band-aid. With everything I’ve gone through, I was able to turn to these sites as a coping mechanism. I was able to create this person (who is unbothered AF, btw) to help me escape. Just bein honest. In doing this, I was no longer able to hear God talking to me. I am in a not so great place in my life emotionally and I carry a lot of stress and I have been begging for signs. The more I asked though, the less I listened. The second I silenced these HUGE distractions in my life, the more clear I became about a ton of things. For one, when I do reactivate social media on March 1st, I will come back as myself. Take it or leave it. It’s sooooo hard keeping up with the Jones’, damn!
Another thing that became really clear to me - everything is fake. As fake as my online personality. Everything is so manipulated and made out to be extremely perfect. I went to Starbucks yesterday and there I was, just a normal person with my basic as fuck order in a really long line. I wasn’t some influencer with a romantic order and perfectly dimmed lighting. I had a messy bun, baby throw up on my shirt (thanks 2 year-old) and water/salt stained UGGS. It was quite comical, actually. NOW! I am in no way shading influencers or any other person who makes these types of videos. I have done a few videos here and there of my Starbs, too, okay?!! So don’t come at me, lol. Those videos ARE very much fun and satisfying, which is why I get sucked down a wormhole of watching them for thousands (joking about the time) of hours on TikTok. The difference between myself and others, and I am not afraid to say this, is, I did not have much self-control and those videos and always trying to replicate them had me in an imaginary competition.
Finally, not being on IG & TT made me realize how much I wanted to really do “the” work on myself. I’ve let life and disappointments drag me off track for far too long. I noticed how I did not really take great care of my hair and nails, my personality was suffering, and I was not working out the way I should (HELLO 28-DAY CHALLENEGE for March, make sure you follow along for that). I craveeeee deep change for myself and I just needed to start somewhere. Sure, my choice was oddly radical and extreme but in that moment, I felt it was the shake-up I needed. With 8 days left in the month I feel like I’m in better control of some of my habits, communicate and listen better (crazy, right), and overall in a better head-space around forming and sticking with boundaries. One thing for sure, is, before I reactivate my accounts, there will be a few rules I put in place for myself going forward.
All in all, I am happy with my decision and it has embarked a new pattern for me. To help me get through 2023, my plan is to pick something new to do and stick to for the month in hopes that it helps me kick a negative habit and build a positive one. Like I said, March, will be a 28-day challenge! Real excited for that one!
Well, if you’re still here to the end, I thank you SO MUCH for reading and really hope you enjoyed it! I will be back next Monday with something else.
Take care & LOVE YOU MUCH!
xo Sydney
30 Days of no social media?? Are you serious?!
MARCH CHALLENGE!
MARCH 28 DAY CHALLENGE - AM I UP FOR REAL CHANGE?? KEEP READING
OK! So I am going to try to keep this one short and sweet, let’s see how I do!
At the beginning of the year, as many others have done, I created some New Year’s Resolutions - many of which I have not stuck to. Now, I am a particularly big fan of NYR’s but I do feel there has just been so much on my plate, that mentally, I just can’t keep up. I was on a serious roll in January but as soon as February came in - I fell off! A large part of that, though, was because I got my natural hair done after so many years of wearing weaves and wigs. (I got a Brazilian Blow-Out, btw & it’s fabulous) Anyway, I was not fully equipped and did not really know how to maintain my own hair in between the sweat of my workouts. I def needed to buy a ton of hair supplies to be fully confident in my ability to keep my hair maintained AND balance working out. Now, what a terrible excuse, I know… but that was truly my excuse.
So after I got my shit together, I had this great idea of doing a March challenge since I am attempting to lose 31 pounds by my 31st birthday (July 3rd) and I have already lost the entire month of February, I have a lot of work to do but I am so willing to roll up my sleeves and get my hands dirty.
Here’s what I am doing for the month of March! Let me know if you’re joining me! (DISCLAIMER: Always be sure to consult with your physician before starting any new diets or regime.) It’s so simple. My goal is to put as minimal pressure on myself as possible and listen to my body. I am incorporating a few methods I have done in the past that have worked for me. It is going to be a lifestyle change, which - will take longer than 28 days but the goal is to implement the habit shift.
*No alcohol (this includes wines and any clear liquors).
*Fasting until 11am Monday through Friday.
*Moderate exercise 4x per week.
*No fast food (this is easy for me aside from those damn 7-11 Taquitos and double decker oatmeal cream pies *dietitians cover your eyes please lol).
*64 oz of water per day.
*50 Squats per day (even on days where I am not actively exercising
Sounds enticing right! It is not too difficult but def challenging enough to make you want to give in for something simpler. As I said before, I need to shift my mindset and THAT will be my biggest difficulty. I will post regular updates on my challenge on my Insta and I’m sure, TT too (since I’ll be back active).
Welp if you’ve gotten this far, I surely do thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love you deep & I will be back again soon <3
xo Sydney